My name is Sara and I have alopecia. Alopecia is an autoimmune disease that attacks the hair follicles causing them to die and fall out. It can vary from small bald spots to total hair loss. Mine first appeared when I was ten years old. By the time I was thirteen, my hair had grown back and we saw no signs that the alopecia would flare up again. However, in September 2006, I found a quarter-sized bald spot. Alopecia had made another appearance. For months, hiding it was what consumed my life, my thoughts, and all my emotions. Over the course of those months, I eventually lost every bit of my hair, including my eyebrows and eyelashes. I sank into a deep pit of self-loathing and hatred. I felt stripped of my femininity. I felt ugly. I hated the woman I saw starring back at me in the mirror. I would go for days locked in my home, hiding from the world. Others in my life and even my own self, kept telling me, “It’s simply cosmetic. It’s only hair. At least you’re not sick. You should be thankful for that.” And I was! But I still felt horribly ugly. I was angry with my body. It wasn’t the first time I felt like it had failed me. We lost two babies prior to this; our first miscarriage (our third child), on September 5, 2004 and our second miscarriage (our fourth child) on June 3, 2005. Why? I asked that question many times. The answer ringing in my spirit was always, “To bring Him glory!” I wanted Christ to be glorified in my life, but I couldn’t imagine how this would accomplish that. After a while, I got used to living my life bald. The shame and pain was still there, but I got good at hiding it.
That was all until God decided He had had enough of my self-loathing. I was convicted. I started praying the Lord would clean me and sanctify me, so that I could fulfill the destiny that He has for me. In that process, He began to teach me what true beauty is, what it looks like, and how He sees me.
First, beauty is on the inside.
1 Peter 3:3-4 “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment….Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of the Lord.”
I was so concerned with the reflection I saw in the mirror, that I had failed to recognize and tend to the inside reflection. What was I really reflecting? Was I reflecting Christ to others through a quiet and gentle spirit, or was I so wrapped up in me that I reflected insecurity, anxiety, and pride? As I started focusing on Him and on being a reflection of Him, I found that I focused much less on the outside.
Second, the LORD of lords and King of kings thinks I am beautiful! He told me so!
Song of Solomon 4:7 "All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you."
Psalm 45:11 "The King will greatly desire your beauty; Because He is your Lord, worship Him."
To put a question mark where God puts a period is to doubt God Himself! He commands me to trust Him in everything! He calls me BEAUTIFUL.(period!)
Last but most certainly not least, He made me EXACTLY the way He intended me to be. He saw my days before there was one. He calls me fearfully and wonderfully made.(period!)
Psalm 139:13-16 “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”
This is who I am. This is how God made me! I’m a wife to Lee, a mom to Hunter and Braden, a mommy to two babies in heaven, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a granddaughter, a friend, a niece, a cousin, a youth pastor’s wife, a Reality Check presenter, a worshiper and follower of Jesus Christ, and daughter of the KING of Kings; who is bald! Is it the worst thing that could, or even has, happened to me? NO! Is it still difficult sometimes, as it would be for anyone? Absolutely! But because He is my Lord, I will worship Him always, in every season! I will trust Him in everything! He picked me up out of that dark pit and has given me joy and a new song!
Psalm 40:2-4
He brought me up from a desolate pit,
out of the muddy clay,
and set my feet on a rock,
making my steps secure.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
and put their trust in the LORD.
How happy is the man
who has put his trust in the LORD
1 comment:
True beauty really does come from the inside. Thank you, Sara, for sharing your story with everyone. God made you truly special, and he obviously has a great plan to use you as a witness to others! What a privilege!!!
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